Kingdom Hearts: Destined Love-Ch. 5
I think you have a really great piece here despite the fact that the story content itself is a bit overdone (Can't say that I've helped that though). You still added a nice twist to this though and it was definitely an enjoyable read. I think it moved a little fast with the pacing, mostly at the beginning. You've had this whole story building up for this one night, but then you cover the prep in a very short bit. I think you might want to add more signs of the nervousness, maybe things like Sora tapping his feet or drumming his fingers while waiting for Kairi. Just something that shows his mind is moving around. I think it might also help to show more of what's happening than just telling that it happens. Like "Sora and Kairi stood awkwardly for a moment, not really looking at each other," you could say something about how they stood. Did Sora rub his arm aimlessly or put a hand behind his head or maybe his eyes are looking around everywhere but at Kairi, just things like that that would show what's actually going on. There aren't any glaring grammar or spelling errors and if they are there, they're simple and something that probably just happened because spell check missed it. Overall, I think you did an awesome job bringing this to life!